Words, spoken

I will let out  two, three words, sliding down my cheeks.


I do not want to steal the future time

I ‘d rather keep honor guard to the dead thoughts.


One day I will escape utterly, and leave a void for the last wish.


The autumn sky will be hidden by the gap of emptiness

And death.


Then, with the move of an experienced gambler, I’ll pull rope on the neck

Of nonexistent, the untouchable body.


I’ll let down my cheek

Two or three words.


Thus, comforted,  I will go to meet him, to appraise whether sensible

The spilled words where.



How will I know is it right or is it wrong?

I do not know if I can touch you

The way I want

The way I feel.


I do not know if I could look into your eyes


Because I am afraid

That you are be able to see all the secrets of my soul.

My wings are a little black, and

You’ll probaly run away, I know.


I do not know if I can wake up next to you

And wish for another day

Another night

Another smile.


I do not know if I am going the right way

And if I make a mistake now

Trip over my own words and deeds

I will fall

 And never get up again.


I do not know why you’re here and who brought you

What was the idea

What was the thought of bringing you to me.

I do not know whether to thank him

Or prepare another box

For storing the memories away.








The Red is the colour of my life

Why are the traffic lights of my life always red? 


Even when I want to go, yellow stops me, in the moment, and doesn’t let me move an inch.


 I stand, I expect, hope exists, but is fading away.


I’m not going back where I’ve been, I want to go, go forward.


 But the green light does not come on. 


Is it a sign? 


Do I have stay where I am, and face all the memories from the past, before I move on? 


Again,  go through all the mistakes and harsh words, wrong acts, reckless thoughts……




Who decides where I’m going?  And when?


Am I not  the one who has the right to decide the moment is right or wrong?



Why anyone thinks that he is entitled to play with my traffic lights??


I am completely faced and aware with the consequences of what I have done.


How long will this purgatory last ?


In  eternity? 


Too long for me.



Please,  whoever looks at it all and knows all,

the one who gives himself  the right to decide instead of me,

please, ask him in my name- to let me pass through.


 I have suffered enough, and Red is not my color anymore.




The World As It Is

I am great, I am fine

I’m not losing my mind.
It left me a few years ago.
And struggling without it in the world I know,
Is a fight that never ends.

No beginning, no story to catch,
Just me on my night watch.

And who the fuck are You- to judge me?

When your own excuses annoy me,
Giving you the right to be the moral judge,
In the same time you’re doing nothing right,
Just giving yourself to the world as it is,
The wrong, the immoral and unblessed as well.

So walk away and leave me alone,
My decisions are all my own.

You are also not able to do anything right, because this world is all upside down.

With nothing to give and all to take,
Just plane misery when you awake.
Choose a path, don’t get me wrong,
Stay in the herd or leave it alone.

Finally, I have my head clear, my soul was always intact.
My mind is on the call, awaiting an attack.
Because there’s no one to understand, give or feel,
Just you and me, my sweetie,
There’s nothing else real.

I don’t have to pretend like you do,
My own statements break down the wall, while you sit and wait to be accused, and for your own words sued.

So be it, like it is meant to be.
That means to be free or follow the messy crowd.

The rumor of the heard is breaking you down.
Well piglets,
I’d rather be Myself then be like You.

I’m not giving anyone my soul, and remember, I will never ever follow You.